


four seasons total landscaping

by violetmessages



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Sex Shop, Crack Treated Seriously, Four Seasons Total Landscaping AU, Gen, I'm Sorry, M/M, i'm so sorry i really am but every fandom needs one i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:27:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27646142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violetmessages/pseuds/violetmessages
Summary: In which Gwen and Ianto own a landscaping company and Jack owns a sex shop across the street.(aka the Four Seasons Total Landscaping Company AU that no one asked for)
Relationships: Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones
Comments: 14
Kudos: 56





	four seasons total landscaping

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was beta-ed and approved by Nik (aka [princessoftheworlds](https://archiveofourown.org/users/princessoftheworlds/pseuds/princessoftheworlds))
> 
> I'm so sorry for writing this.

Gwen had the same routine in the morning. Every day she got up, bright and early, and walked to her company. She opened up the front of her store - The Four Seasons Total Landscaping Company, wiped down the windows, and misted the plants she kept there for decoration. She turned on the computer and confirmed which clients her employees would be working for today. 

Then she sent a quick text to Andy, reminding him to do inventory. He’d been forgetting to do that every week, and it was important that they had all the necessary tools to landscape and that they all worked properly. Gwen scanned through her emails briefly, marking the ones from possible new clients to follow up on. Then she checked the answering machine as sometimes clients would call in through there. It didn’t help to be lazy. 

Finally, the clock struck eight, and it was time for the funniest part of her day. 

She looked outside from her usual perch at the service desk. Every day, without fail, she watched as her best friend and co-owner of her company, Ianto Jones, walked over to the sex shop next door and put his foot in his mouth talking to the owner - one Jack Harkness. Not that Jack was any better, mind you. She’d been privy to some of their conversations. They usually tended to go one of two ways. 

Either Jack would flirt outrageously, making Ianto blush and buy some random object. Or Ianto would flirt back, Jack would get ridiculously moony-eyed, and Ianto would buy some random object. Either way, Ianto would come into their store late. 

Ianto was supposed to come in at around eight, an hour later than her, so that she could go home an hour earlier and spend time with her husband Rhys. 

The plan never worked. Mainly because Ianto spent thirty minutes every morning at the sex shop. Ianto had probably spent half his salary on different flavors of lube and varieties of condoms, the cheapest items in that store, just so he could have an excuse to talk to Jack. 

Thirty minutes later on the dot, Ianto walked out of the sex shop with a discreet paper bag, probably holding another bottle of lube or perhaps a small box of condoms, and headed for their store. The door chimed as he opened it and walked in. She watched, lips pressed together, fighting her laughter over the hilarity she had to witness every morning, as he walked past her and through the beaded curtain, probably to put his latest purchase in the cabinet in the staff room. 

“Good morning!” She grinned at him.

“Morning,” he responded absently, still staring across the street at Jack’s store. “I think our sign needs to be repainted.”

“Oh, really?” She humored him. “What should it say?”

“Uh, I don’t know, your choice,” he said, exceptionally distracted. Ianto bit his lip and leaned on the edge of the counter, looking directly at Jack as he walked out his store. Gwen watched Ianto as he watched Jack push up on his toes and shift his sign to a better angle. 

Ianto took in a choked breath as Jack’s shirt, usually tucked inside his pants, pulled up and exposed the faintest edge of his midriff. Gwen saw Ianto’s eyes hood slightly when Jack pushed up his sleeves and extended his hands over his head, stretching out the knots. 

“Do you think we should burn down the building?” she asked, casually. Ianto made a dismissive noise. 

“Sure - up to you,” said Ianto. 

He watched, enraptured, as Jack continued to stretch muscles that he hadn’t even used in moving the sign. Clearly he was doing this on purpose - there was no need to stand outside his shop and stretch while Ianto eye-fucked him from outside. 

This had gone on for long enough. Something needed to be done. 

* * *

When they’d first opened their landscaping company, Gwen and Ianto had gone over to his shop to say hello. 

Walking inside, they were greeted with the sounds of dirty rock music, black leather walls, and sex toys lining the walls. The store had no natural light - only windows that were painted over with faux graffiti. Instead, fluorescent bulbs hung from the ceiling, casting odd shadows over everything and bouncing light off the multiple mirrors bolted to the walls. 

They walked up to the cash register, and Gwen rang the bell. A moment later, a man emerged from the back, smiling widely. He leaned up against the register and grinned at them. 

“Welcome to Torchwood! Can I help you with anything?” he asked. 

“Yes, we’d like to talk to the owner of the shop,” said Gwen. The man’s smile faded slightly, but he nodded at them. 

“I’m the owner,” he said. “Jack Harkness.”

“Hello!” Gwen said, sticking out a hand. “I’m Gwen, this is Ianto. We’re the owners of the new landscaping company next door.”

“Oh!” He took her hand and shook it. “Hello! I’m Jack, as I said. And _you_ must be Ianto,” he said, smiling flirtatiously at him. “Nice to meet you.”

“Good - good to meet you too,” Ianto responded, slightly stumbling over his words. He extended a hand and shook Jack’s, both holding each other’s a tad longer than necessarily professional. 

“Anyway, we just wanted to introduce ourselves, since we’re going to be neighbors. We won’t take up any more of your time,” Gwen said, looking between Ianto and Jack. 

“It was a pleasure to meet you,” Jack said, looking directly at Ianto. “Feel free to come by anytime. And, if you two need anything at all, just ask. I’m always next door!”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Ianto responded, looking back into Jack’s eyes intently. The two of them were locked in each other’s gazes until finally, a few moments later, Ianto broke away, turning to her. 

“Come on,” he said. Gwen had to fight off the urge to cackle. This was going to be interesting. 

* * *

“Can you mind the front for a minute,” Gwen asked. Ianto nodded but looked at her strangely. 

“Why?”

“I just need to run an errand,” answered Gwen. She didn’t give him time to respond, walking swiftly out the door, hearing the bell chime. She raced across the street, walking briskly into Torchwood. 

“Jack?” she called out. “I need your help with something.”

Jack popped out from behind the store. “What do you need?”

“I just want your opinion on something,” she explained. “Can you come with me?”

“Sure,” he said. “Just let me lock up.”

After fiddling with the outside lock for a moment, Jack leaned out the crook of his elbow. Gwen took it and led him across the street. The bell chimed as they walked into the store together, and Ianto narrowed his eyes when he saw Jack. 

“Ianto, Jack is going to help us with the new advertising,” she explained. “I haven’t shown it to you yet, but I wanted a fresh perspective. Someone who will see it and know nothing about landscaping.”

“Oh?” Ianto said, looking surprised. “All right then.”

“This way,” said Gwen, leading Jack past the counter and through the beaded curtain. She walked into the little staff room, where their personal belongings were. 

“I put them in the other room, if you two can just wait in here for a second?” she asked. Ianto nodded, and Jack gave her a smile. 

“Take your time,” said Jack. “We’ll be here.”

“Thanks, guys!” Gwen grinned. Then she walked out and fell against the door, slamming it with a bang. Quickly, she took out a screwdriver and jammed the lock, causing it to be unopenable from the inside. 

“Gwen!” came a muffled shout from inside. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah!” she shouted back. “Only, I think the door is broken.”

“What?” 

“Yeah, I can’t open it,” she elaborated. She saw the door shake and the sound of muffled groaning. Ianto and Jack were unsuccessfully trying to open it, and she clamped her hands over her mouth, trying her best not to laugh. “I’m going to call a locksmith, but you might have to stay in there for a while!”

“As long as you get the door open soon,” Ianto said. Jack said something that she couldn’t make out, but she didn’t really care what. She’d gotten them in a room together. Now all they had to do was figure out why. 

Gwen walked back to her desk. She figured she’d give them about an hour before checking up on them again. Hopefully, that would give them enough time to get the point. She clicked open the computer and started responding to clients. 

An hour later, she got up and walked back to the spare room. Silently, she placed her ear to the door, cupping her hands around it to hear better. Gwen heard a repeated, smothered grunting noise, and when concentrating more, she could make out the faint sound of skin slapping against skin. 

_Finally_ , she thought, and walked away quietly. Ianto would finally be able to use up the abundance of lube and condoms he’d been buying from Jack. And perhaps, because they had really started fucking, they’d stop eye-fucking each other from across the street. 

Or at least she could wish. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Kudos/Comments are always appreciated!
> 
> Find me on tumblr [here](https://violetmessages.tumblr.com/)


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